Introduction: The Question Every Teacher Asks
Throughout my 20 years as a bilingual teacher, I’ve asked myself the same difficult question again:
How do we truly reach a child who is hurting?
The answer is never simple. There is no single strategy or training that prepares you for the moments that test your patience and your heart. What I have learned is this: teaching young children requires patience, compassion, and an unwavering belief in their potential — even when they cannot see it themselves.
Starting My Journey in Early Childhood Education
When I began my career as a Pre-K teacher, my only “teaching experience” came from being a mother. I had recently completed an Alternative Certification Program (ACP) to become an elementary teacher, but the exposure to Early Childhood Education was limited. Thankfully, with the support of mentors and administrators, I slowly built the skills I needed to manage a preschool classroom.
I also carried personal experience with challenging behaviors. My middle child, who lived with ADHD and bipolar disorder, taught me patience, resilience, and the importance of seeing beyond a child’s behavior to understand their needs.
These lessons would soon become essential.
Meeting a Child in Crisis
Midway through the first semester of my first-year teaching, a new student joined my class — a four-year-old boy carrying more emotional weight than any child should endure.
He came from a problematic home environment. His mother was in jail, there was no information about his father, and his relatives were caring for him. Abuse and neglect had left deep marks on his behavior and his ability to trust others.
Signs of Trauma in the Pre-K Classroom
From the beginning, his behavior reflected the pain he was living with:
- He hit classmates when they didn’t do what he wanted
- He struggled with rules and boundaries
- He distrusted adults and children alike
- He lashed out verbally and physically
- He arrived at school in the cold without a jacket
His classmates were afraid of him, and he, in turn, didn’t know how to interact with them. He reminded me of a child who had spent his whole life emotionally “caged,” unsure how to connect or feel safe.
The Day Everything Changed
One day, during playtime, his anger escalated into a fight with several other children. I had to intervene quickly to protect everyone, including him. Even though he was only four, he was incredibly strong. I held his arms gently but firmly while my assistant ran to get administrative support.
Then came the moment that still stayed with me.
He screamed:
- “I’m going to kill you!”
- “I’m going to get my father’s gun and kill you!”
- “I have a knife and I’m going to cut your head!”
Hearing words like these from a four-year-old is heartbreaking. No training manual prepares you for this.
Without thinking, I said the only words that came to my heart:
“No matter what you do, I still love you.”
He kept yelling, “I hate you, I hate you,” until help arrived and his family was contacted.
A Face I Will Never Forget
Even though many years have passed, I still remember his big, round black eyes and his wavy hair. He was a beautiful child carrying an invisible storm within him.
Later conversations with our school counselor revealed more about his trauma and the reasons behind his explosive anger.
That little boy taught me one of the most important truths in Early Childhood Education:
Children don’t act out because they are bad — they act out because they are hurting.
What This Experience Taught Me About Trauma-Informed Teaching
Reflecting on this moment helped shape the teacher I became. Here are the lessons I now carry with me:
- Behavior is communication
Every outburst, every refusal, every angry word is telling you something about a child’s internal world.
- Love must be louder than fear
Children who seem the “hardest to love” often need love the most.
- Consistency builds safety
Trauma makes the world feel unpredictable. A calm, steady adult helps reestablish trust.
- Teachers need support too
Trauma-informed teaching is emotional work. Collaboration with counselors, administration, and caregivers is essential.
- Compassion changes lives
Sometimes, the most powerful intervention is simply showing a child unconditional care.
Conclusion: The Heart of Teaching
This story is just one of many experiences that have shaped my understanding of what it means to teach young children — especially those affected by trauma.
Early Childhood Education is not just about numbers, letters, or routines.
It is about healing, connection, and believing in every child’s ability to thrive.
If we lead with compassion, patience, and understanding, we can make a lasting impact — even on the most challenging days.
The Strategies That Helped Him Heal
Over time, I realized that structure, attention, and genuine affection were the keys to helping him feel safe. Some of the techniques I used to support him emotionally and keep him out of trouble included:
- Making him my classroom assistant. I gave him as much positive attention as I could.
- Focusing on positive actions rather than negative behaviors.
- Showing him that I was on his side — that he was loved and valued.
- Working one-on-one with him whenever possible.
- Using short, attainable rewards to reinforce positive steps.
- Letting him be the line leader and keeping him close to me for additional guidance.
- Celebrating every success with rewards and verbal praise.
- Encouraging him to look after his classmates during recess.
- Removing rewards if he hit or pushed anyone, so he learned clear boundaries.
By the end of the year, he was a completely different child — joyful, friendly, eager to learn, and proud of himself. He became a helper, a friend to everyone, and a student who loved coming to school.
But just when we thought we would finish the school year together, everything changed. His mother was released from jail and decided to move to a larger town. We tried to convince her to let him finish the year with us, but she chose to leave. Watching him go was heartbreaking.
A Visit I Will Never Forget
A few weeks later, near the end of the school year, I was unexpectedly called to the office. My first thought was, “Oh no — what did I do now?” But as I approached the hallway, I saw a little boy running toward me.
“Mrs. Doerr! Mrs. Doerr!”
I couldn’t believe my eyes — he was back.
His mother told me he had been begging to see me, so she brought him to the school to say hello. We spent about ten excellent minutes together. He hugged me tightly and told me how much he missed school, his teacher (me), and his classmates.
My eyes filled with tears.
I was overwhelmed with happiness — and pride.
A Lasting Reminder
That moment reminded me of why I chose to pursue a career in Early Childhood Education. We don’t always know the impact we have on a child’s life, especially one who has endured so much pain. But sometimes, if we lead with love, patience, and compassion, we get the privilege of seeing the difference we made.
And sometimes… they come back to tell us.
Leave a Reply